me: i am so bored
unfinished video games: play me
unfinished books: read me
unfinished tv shows and unwatched movies: watch me
daily exercise routine: complete me
me: there's nothing to do
Normal people: Aw, look at the couple. They're so cute!
Me: I wonder if they've fucked yet.
Mom: Can I see your tumblr?
Me: WHAT TUMBLR?! *throws laptop out window, runs to airport, moves to Mexico, changes name to Pepito*
Me half the time: I just want to cuddle up with you and watch cute movies and look into your eyes and tell you I love you and kiss you lots and then fall asleep in your arms.
Me half of the time: I just want to rip off your clothes and get pushed against the wall with my arms pinned up and make out and push you onto your bed and we can fuck the shit out of each other, ok.